my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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