i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
