at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
