dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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