Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Terrible idea I love it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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