I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
