She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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