Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
