Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
