Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
