Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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