fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
