Whod you bang
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
