Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
