thus making me awesome and them whores
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
