i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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