i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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