I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
