smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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