It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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