I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So. Much. Porn.
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