the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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