Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
