Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone

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(972): View more from Texas

I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"

(1-972): View more from Texas

More like "Chia Pet"

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(540): View more from Virginia

just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever

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(573): View more from Missouri

Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.

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(519): View more from Ontario

He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...

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(206): View more from Washington

Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL

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(707): View more from California

We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Who died my cat blue again?

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