I met the friendliest cop last night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
