Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
