A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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