His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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