think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
