Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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