so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
