Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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