Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
