I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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