He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
