I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
