the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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