I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize