Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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