Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
