it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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