return my video game
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
