nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
pop tarts are not kleenex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
