so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
