Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
then he tried to convert me to islam
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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