remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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