this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
