I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
