Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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