Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
