i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
