Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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