You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
