I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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