dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
do nipples grow back?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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