I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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