I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
