You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
