I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just blew my weed a kiss
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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