So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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