The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
