why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
