You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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