Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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