I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
