I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
