Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
