Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
