Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
