to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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