ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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