two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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