ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
