oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
