Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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