I wish my penis had an off switch
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
